I am a reformed bad listener. Scratch that. A reformed terrible listener.  And, the people that were speaking to me didn’t even know I wasn’t hearing a thing.  I had mastered all the nonverbal cues that made people think I was listening and actually cared.  You know, the uh-huhs, head nods, and small head tilts.  I was doing all of this while my mind was racing through my task list or thinking about what I wanted for lunch.

To get over this, I finally learned to mentally prepare myself to actively listen.  This was especially important when I knew I was about to get in a conversation with a “talker.”  That person that doesn’t take a breath or stop talking in circles until you rudely interrupted him or her.  Yes, that person, the bane of all future conversations with strangers. 

So, why was it so important that I suffer through some of these conversations?  Once I learned to actively listen, I was able to get so much more than just the words they were saying.  It almost became a game, because I was getting more than the person actually intended to share with me. 

I started focusing on the message behind the words rather than the words themselves.  This is important because most people are awful communicators, which is probably why there are so many bad listeners out there. We gotta pass the blame somewhere, right?!  If you focus on the message, you can understand what the person is trying to convey regardless of how poorly they are articulating their message.

So, how do you actively listen?

• Prepare mentally.  This means you have to give all of your attention to your speaker. Remove distractions, pay attention, clear your mind, and in my case, adjust your attitude.  This is going to be a good conversation!
• Pay attention.  Focus on the non-verbals like body language and consideration of how the person is feeling.  Also, make eye contact and face the person (this really helps).
• Don’t interrupt.  Unless, of course, they don’t shut up, because then they are being just as rude by monopolizing the conversation. 
• Ask questions. You must make sure you are on the same page.

Who should you actively listen to?  Your residents, prospects, your team, and even your boss.  Don't forget that active listening isn't limited to verbal communications.  You must also actively listen to your social networks, reviews, and surveys.  It is amazing what you can uncover about people when you engage active listening skills.